I am accepted into NIE. Thx goodness!!! The best thing is i need not clear my CPT. It has been so hard when the new strike that i will not be gg to NIE. After waiting so long and working so hard, all because i was not inform to clear my CPT. But my principle and HOD had been so helpful to support me all the way, leading to successful appeal:)
I thx God for everything good happen to me, and of cos i thx God for everything bad happen to me. everything teach me to submit even in times of suffering, and like wat ps kee oon said, this is spiritual maturity! Thru this testing, i come to realise how much i love teaching and i just cannot give up in it. Somehow when u just go thru daily motion, u tend to forget why in the first place u r teacher. thx God for reminding me. Thru this, i realise how highly the sch tote of me. and it is really satisfying to know i have invested everything i have to groom 100 students in this few months. Not just improving in their results, but they have come to realise how interesting chi can be. it is satisfying to noe students have learn the right approah, right attitude in dealing with daily matters. it is satisfying to realise they have somehow feel God's love thru me. phew.....all these really sent tears to my eyes. I really like to brag about my teaching life bcos i think all glory goes to God and i am proud to say for most of the time, i am really trying real hard to teach wth God's love.
Sometimes there will be this rush of courage within me, and i know for sure, i have the strength to go thru the 2.5 yrs. But there are times when i am really sure i am too weak to go thru the 2.5 yrs. i really hope God will teach me to wait patiently, teach me to stay calm and not get frustrated. Teach me to look upon him for strength, for courage and for hope. I am really so afraid that i will be all alone. So i hope God will let me know constantly that he is there for me.
There are times when our relationship just isn't a bed of roses. when we did things that upset God. when we did things to upset each other. there are times when no loving word exit my mouth and i have to get so unreasonable. But i always feel so strongly God still love our relationship and he will love it forever. i pray oh Lord, grant us victory in the long dist relationship!!!!
It shld be an extremely happy period with holiday just ard the corner. However, i cannot feel any joy within. my heart is very painful and very heavy,and i can't help feeling very upset.
While my students were having spelling just now, my mind can't help drifting all the way to 2 months later. tears just welled up in my eyes and i almost end up crying again. i was in such bad mood today that little things pissed me off very easily. i shouted at so many students and i tink i almost make many students cry along with me.
I know i cannot be in such shape any longer. i nid to cheer up and stop dragging my bad mood into my teaching. it is extremely unfair to my students.I thx God for only putting me into such situation after all the exams in sch, or else i will not have sufficient time to sort out my totes, and i will not be able to fuction well, and i will just end up neglecting all responsibilities.
I really have to stop being a walking zombie, and start to look at the brighter side of it. Ray is going aust for us, for our future, for me! and after 2.5years, he will come back for me. i have great faith we will not give up on each other, and i have great faith God will be there during the most heart-wrenching moments. I know God will place the right friends into our life while we wait patiently for the 2.5years to be over.I know i have many support from God and pple who love me.
I have to stop crying, and make the best out of our remaining time. church retreat, genting highland....so much fun awaiting us and so, for the time being, i will just enjoy the moment, and forget abt 2 months later. cos God is still great almighty, sitting on his throne, watching over the same world:)
I love u.....
13june marks our anniversary, and as i am anticipating for that day to arrive again,i know i am going to say goodbye to u temporarily. Looking back at all the days we spent tgt, i know i cannot so easily let u go. flipping thru everything that remind me of you, tears just have to run down my eyes. I am very weak, i am really too weak. 2 years ago, when u tell me u are gg to go after me, that memory still stay so clearly in my mind. Then i was the happiest gal in the entire universe, never will i tote we will oneday have to go thru this. How time fly, and i hope time will fly even faster now, to 2.5years later, when i know u will stay with me forever.
You are the best thing ever happen in my life, the best person God send to me. Always there during all my heartbreak, there when i face my first major failure in life. There when i feel so rejected. There when i tote i have to give up my dreams. There when i have to face all the pain and brokenness. You never leave me even when i was in my lowest point. In fact u chose to stay with me, chose to be the one to wipe away every tears, chose to be the one to make me feel loved. Because of u, i am able to walk out of everything that hurts so badly.
Now that it is your turn to go persue your dream, i want to be that gal to always stay in your heart, giving u the support u nid. this 2.5years, i will nv let u go. noone will replace u in my heart. i will still cry whenever i miss u badly, but i will learn to be strong. tho i m weak, but i will learn to be strong. God will provide the courage i nid. You shall go without worry and come back knowing someone is waiting for u.
every momeries we share will always stay in my heart and my mind. i will remember your face, your love, your hug, your everything. And when i miss u, i will tell God and God will provide.
because i really love you, and i nv love anyone so badly before.....raymund mok
I had already start teaching for a couple of months. Sometimes, it can be really tiring and all, and i hate it when i have to raise my voice to bring across instruction whenever the children are extremely noisy. Sometimes i feel my blood boiling to nearing evaporation. I hate it when things get out of control for a while and i have to take control immediately. Such a perfectionist! I mean, with young children around, we need to expect some impefections here and there. But nonetheless, i have to say, i like it so far. I still am full of interest for whatever i'm doing. Sometimes more administrative work to do, sometimes more marking to do. I like planning lessons, and whenever my children show lots of interest in my lesson, there is this sense of happiness within, knowing i had done a very good job. I like teaching, because it require alot of interaction and interaction is definitely my strong point:)
I have to say this job is hard. But then, when you reflect upon it, it really bring alot of joy to you. Everyday facing different challenges. And though the little "devil" can really really make you wanna go mad. But when they decided to turn into angel....i can tell you, it really paint rainbows in your life!
Happy children's day! always a child at heart:)
Today while travelling on MRT, i saw a gal sitting apposite me, wearing AJC uniform and was so engrossed in studying that the rest of the world seems to be non-existent to her. I suddenly thought of myself two years back. I was just like her, wearing AJC uniform, carrying a stack of files into the half-crowded train, and trying to cramp as much facts as possible into my brain, or rushing thru tutorials everyday. How carefree life was back then, with studies as the only concern in life. To think i used to secretly complain to God about endless homework, and not being able to sleep anything more than four hours a day.
Now, i understand, that back then, i was so carefree, with not much responsibilities as compared to now....
Somehow, looking at the gal sitting opposite me just make me a little regretful about life. About not stretching myself to the fullest and really try my best. And looking at her, really make me want to go back to JC life and start all over again. But then, on second thought, i am really more than satisfied with life right now. Doing something i enjoy almost everyday.
I guess in life, we shall not keep looking back and ask the question what if...because no matter how much you hope for another chance to undo whatever you regret doing, it will never happen.
Just live you life to the fullest. And i guess i will, right now, rather be the gal, wearing sports attire everyday, sitting on the train, looking thru lesson plan, occasionally dozing off, occasionally looking at other people sitting opposite of me....
Now, i understand, that back then, i was so carefree, with not much responsibilities as compared to now....
Somehow, looking at the gal sitting opposite me just make me a little regretful about life. About not stretching myself to the fullest and really try my best. And looking at her, really make me want to go back to JC life and start all over again. But then, on second thought, i am really more than satisfied with life right now. Doing something i enjoy almost everyday.
I guess in life, we shall not keep looking back and ask the question what if...because no matter how much you hope for another chance to undo whatever you regret doing, it will never happen.
Just live you life to the fullest. And i guess i will, right now, rather be the gal, wearing sports attire everyday, sitting on the train, looking thru lesson plan, occasionally dozing off, occasionally looking at other people sitting opposite of me....
I am working now, not really, thinking about my lesson plan, and slacking here cos i really dunnoe what to write for my PE lesson plan. i dunnoe what to teach for PE:( frown very hard!Teachinf lower primary is easy, cos as long as the kids get to run, jump and just have fun, they are happy and satisfied. It is the upper primary that is a big challenge. Kids nowaday are so hard to please. In my times, erm....actually not that long ago also, as long as there is a ball...we can chase after the ball, and we are satisfied.haiz....thx God though, cos gymnastics is over and they will be learning rounders for the coming week.
The last term, i believe will just fly past, with PSLE, SA2 and it's just such a short term. And very soon, it will be the long holiday. Oh! just can't wait for that long break, cos there will be ray's b'day and christmas:) and probably i'll be able to go somewhere else to relax.
Not that i hate working, and always look forwar to holiday. Infact, if i do a heart search, i love teaching. As long as i am able to sleep, teaching is no prob at all. Because, how many of you out there get to be who u are even at work? Though now i can't be who i'm totally at work cos i have to conform to my mentor's seriousness, but most of the time, i get to teach my style, tell stupid jokes to my students and laugh out loud with them, discuss about the games on facebook(of cos outside lesson time), and just happy happy everyday. And trust me, when i used to work in office, i always need coffe esp after lunch time, just to make my eyes open. But the children, always so noisy, make me awake thru out...hahaha
Anyway, yesterday i was pondering over an issue, and i realise i'm kidda weird. I mean, people usually get closer with God when they face challenges in life and starts to drift away when life is a bed of roses. But for me, it is the opposite, when life is going downhill, my walk with God will go downhill too, and even praying is so hard not to mention doing QT. i dunnoe, but i guess, i am afraid the more i pray, and if the prayer is not answered, i will be very hopeless and i am just so scared. But now life starts to get better, i start to pick up my walk with God again.....
hmmm......
But anyway, i believe when my life is going downhill and i start hiding from God and even bearing grudges on him, he never give up on me. That is why so many prayed for me and intercede for me, so many pull me up and cheer me on. And there is auntie yee ping who i believe is sent by God:)
I wonder is it another chapter of life? That suddenly, without knowing, i have brave through it all. I guess it has not been totally over, but i guess God has been faithful through it all, turning the page of my life with his mighty hand:)
I realise i'm easily scared:( I really distaste killing and bloodshed, and only live in peace and happiness. Because of the story of rachel joy scott shared by ps tim, i was so interested that i look up on the columbine high sch killing occured more than 10 yrs ago online yesterday night. I was so scared that for the whole night i was hugging my bible to sleep, not daring to switch off the light. It is not that i am scared anyone will threaten my life, it is just that i suddenly was so afraid because the world is so not peaceful and so scary and human being can react so cruelly...
Anyway, i had abit of fun with ray, going bukit chantu and army open house.
And i really thx God for the chance to be happy and smiling from the bottom of my heart again!I am very sure, God never do abandone me. Though it was really very tough to the state of wanting to just give up everything and run away from God. But i guess no matter how far we run, God will find us. I'm still having fear sometimes, but at least i'm able to live the life i shld live:) for this, i'm grateful
I realise i'm easily scared:( I really distaste killing and bloodshed, and only live in peace and happiness. Because of the story of rachel joy scott shared by ps tim, i was so interested that i look up on the columbine high sch killing occured more than 10 yrs ago online yesterday night. I was so scared that for the whole night i was hugging my bible to sleep, not daring to switch off the light. It is not that i am scared anyone will threaten my life, it is just that i suddenly was so afraid because the world is so not peaceful and so scary and human being can react so cruelly...
Anyway, i had abit of fun with ray, going bukit chantu and army open house.
And i really thx God for the chance to be happy and smiling from the bottom of my heart again!I am very sure, God never do abandone me. Though it was really very tough to the state of wanting to just give up everything and run away from God. But i guess no matter how far we run, God will find us. I'm still having fear sometimes, but at least i'm able to live the life i shld live:) for this, i'm grateful
Living a life of fear is not living at all.
Journey to recovery is always hard, but i'll persevere!
I'll live! i'll overcome! i'll be a happy fren, galfren, and God's beloved daughter!
It has been a really tough week for me. Being slacking for more than 2 whole months and just enjoying life off with no responsibily but just the need to recover from haunting anxiety has been grace given by God. Now suddenly, i have to adapt back to the routine life of working, it has really been stressful.
I can't believe i'm such a weakling, unable to deal with these negative thoughts when insomnia strike real bad. Why can't i just relax my nerve and trust God in moment like this? It's not really such hardship, since i graduated from anderson jc, surely i can take stress and some sleepless nights. But i feel i'm falling apart and all of a sudden i just cannot deal with myself, and then it is follow by the horrid nerves breakdown. So much tears and so many cries to God, prayers that seems to be avoided by the most high up. So helpless and it seems like noone understand what you are going through. All you know is you are going mad, and that tears just can't stop. No laxoten for me, cos i'm really gonna fight it with God's strength. God, please don't abandone me.
Teaching is always my joy, being able to be myself at work. I am really grateful to know that many of my students have miss me badly while i disappear to rest. Comments like you are my favourite teacher really cheer me on especially in times when i just can't fight what is breaking me.Being able to once again listen to what the young souls have to say, and what is making them really upset makes me realise my life has a very big purpose. The jokes we share and the seriousness in work, scolding them and disciplining them, i really just want to see them grow, a little, i'm satisfied.
Surely alot of students are shocked that i have change from teaching english medium subjects to chinese language. I am shocked too! it's just that my chinese is definitely not strong enough. But i am willing to just give everything i have and know. It's really not about the subject you teach, but the students you teach.That's what convicted me to take up any subjects.
In this tough period, i'm grateful to many. Especially boyfren Raymund, who has been praying for me. Who never neglect me. Who keep his handphone by his side even when he is sleeping so that i can call whenever i'm upset. Who, because of me had shed alot of tears and lose alot of sleep. Who, came all the way from camp just to tell me he is always there. Who is always trying to control his tears and force out a smile just to let me know everything will be fine.Because of this, i have come to realise how much love i've been given. And my mum had even tell me to count myself really fortunate to have such wonderful boyfren who is basically extinct already.Because of this and the many frens who has been so concern for me, and Go'd love for me, i'll fight this battle!
I'll be a good teachers. And i just want to scream out loud! I love to teach!
This week has been really great. Firstly, i finally packed my room. I had been hating the mess in my wardrobe for very long, somehow managed to ignored it for weeks. I finally took that big step and packed it. Now finally i feel liberated from:) hee.....
Secondly, i finally went all the way to payar lebar to make my NIE card. Though it was raining heavily and i had a terrible stomachache on the way and the queue was so long. But i still got it done eventually.
Thirdly, i had been so proud of myself for cooking my own meal last sunday, of cos along with equally cooking-idiot, Eliza. I think the vegetable i fried was kind of delicious:) and noone suffer from any major food-poisoning thereafter. And somehow i feel i'm ready to get married, apart from not having that $600000.
Forthly, i went jogging all by myself and i jogged 8 rounds without stopping, and i feel so fit and young, and it was so great to be able to brag about it.
Then i watched ice-age 3 with ray, sulwyn and leow:) and it's my first time watching a 3-d show in cinema. And i think it's a great show and the graphic is so clear. But i lost my belt in the cinema:(
I Love God for loving me that i have a lovely week
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